Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Enjoy the penises
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
