Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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