if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
