I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
How does it feel to date your dad?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
