So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
porn star boner night. come get it.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
