And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i dont even know how to be here
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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