I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
