I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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