i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
