We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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