Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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