you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
