i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
