look no pants
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
