i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
