I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just google imaged poop.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So much rum. So many feels.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
