that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
