im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
