i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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