Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
