Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
