Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
