yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
