Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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