Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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