remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
