I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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