So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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