"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
