This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
