i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
