Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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