my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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