did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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