I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
