U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
