Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
