ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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