I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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