Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
