I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
and she was petting her beer can
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
