I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
