we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
