does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
