he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Girls should come with a carfax report
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
