u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
