K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
