Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
