her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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