The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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