I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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