Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
