i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
